Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
