I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and she was petting her beer can
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
