so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
