the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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