too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
