well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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