I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
