he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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