My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
