I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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