I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
