I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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