I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
