Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am available for nakedness
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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