you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Its about making memories worth repressing
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize