lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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