They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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