she was so not down for the gang bang
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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