Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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