okay pat passed out under dana's car
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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