Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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