You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
