People in love make me want to vomit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize