I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
