Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
