Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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