I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
