who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
