im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
