yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
