I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
