I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
