My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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