two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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