Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
