just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
