You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
