Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
