it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
