Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will be naked everywhere
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
