my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
