a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
