Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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