I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
