so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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