the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
