god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
