Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
