Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize