I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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