You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
