just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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