In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i would punch a child for taco bell
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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