I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
