Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
