i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
