she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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