Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
