she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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