I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize