you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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