If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
