she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
