i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
