Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
