I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
