I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
