His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
