Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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